Vengeance

"The best revenge is living well."
~George Herbert English clergyman & metaphysical poet (1593 - 1633)
~repeated ad nauseum by my father.

I think it's bull. I don't think living well is good revenge. Anyone with a few simple strokes of luck and good decisions can live well. Looking around, I think of the people I want revenge on and don't see good living sparking the internal feelings I want. I don't see them spitting with envy over brand new cars or excessive plasma televisions. I would hope those material comforts wouldn't inspire others to envy me. My house isn't enviable. My jobs are respectable but certainly not taken in revenge. Living well, for me is a solution to a life equation of ( intellect + education ) hardwork = success. And any deviation from the formula will adjust the solution exponentially. Less work means less success. Should I be envied because I'm paid to be at work everyday? Should I be envied because I managed to get a degree and a job?

Because my job gives me a paycheck, should I be envied when that check affords me simple luxuries anyone can buy anywhere? It's not as if I have access to a secret stash of designer lifestyle enhancements or an upper echelon caste that nobody can invade.

What is truly the best revenge? Is there a good revenge? I think so. For the last 18 months I've been in the happiest and poorest place in my life. If not for my parents I'd be destitute, living on the streets, starving, but I'm happier every day, every moment. I'm madly in love with someone who is madly in love with me and my perspective has changed. Now, when I look at people who seem to have everything, I wonder if they may be compensating. Do all the shoes in the world help when you don't have real, true love in your life?

I watch people I'm close to, trying to build relationships and some are just as blissful as I am. Others, however are noticeably unhappy, no matter how hard they pretend otherwise. They can discuss their new houses, cars and goodies but words fall empty, proving their lack of love.

I've been there. I've been successful much longer than I've been in love. Thankfully I was independent enough not to pin my happiness on my relationship status. I didn't have to have a man to be happy. I didn't need his support. I didn't need his approval and in turn, now that I have those things, my relationship is a level above the normal parasite virus that most women encounter.

Another good cliche my father gave me, "men marry women thinking they'll never change, women marry men thinking they will." shows how most people live in relationships. I'm careful to never look for a partner I have to change, improve or fault-find to deal with. I don't look at Jon and hope he gets his act together someday. If he never changes I will still be as happy as I am today. He is perfect the way he is. He loves me madly and truly with no contingencies. He's affectionate and polite and funny and warm. He wears his love for me on his sleeve, making me the only priority in his life.

Looking back at people I don't like who have found the ability to buy whatever they want I am at a loss, wondering if they realize the best revenge is simply loving well.